It can be really hard to believe that it’s possible to have 12 close friends at the age of 30. And yet our wedding day proved to be a great celebration of friendship and what it takes to build and celebrate connections that last a lifetime.
Our Wedding Day
Long time no post, huh? I know what you’re thinking. Matt’s married now so that means it’s time for him to disappear off the face of the planet and to never be heard from again. In truth, we did do that for a while on our honeymoon in The Land of The Long White Cloud (New Zealand), and it was great.
But alas, a far greater tragedy struck as this site was hacked before and/or during the wedding and/or during the honeymoon, meaning I have spent the last few weeks trying to regain access to my site. This post of course marks the successful recovery of the site and the ability to log in as usual. Continue reading
“I love God, but I don’t go to church”. Is it really possible for these two viewpoints to co-exist in someone who professes to be a Christian?
Have you ever sat down with someone you went to high school, university, or some social gathering with, and had that little conversation of “Where Are They Now?”. Oh yeah, Billy, I remember that dude, he married that girl who looked like a model. Ah yeah, Jen, she was the school dux, now she’s a software engineer at Google.
I was doing that over the last few weeks with a few different people (they brought it up in every case) and instead of it being a happy moment, it was actually quite sad. Whilst we could recount a number of people who were doing extremely well, there kept coming up a list of different people who we are actually sorrowful about talking about where they are in life and what they’ve been doing.
What do you do when people refuse to change? Here is my problem with the statement, “I can’t help it”.
We recently completed our pre-marriage counselling, and it was an experience I would definitely recommend any serious couple to undertake. We did the Prepare/Enrich course with some longtime mentors and friends of mine. I wasn’t sure what it would be like at the start but after the 200+ questions, I knew we’d have some things to talk about. And we did. I remember one of my habits came up during conversation that had been brought up before – one I’ve been working to improve. Not necessarily a bad thing, but a strong clashing point that could come off as dismissive in certain circumstances, which is not the vibe you want to give your spouse. Continue reading
Are you doing it alone when you don’t have to be, or dealing with someone who is? Here are 7 reasons we won’t ask for help.
Wedding planning is a crazy time. It’s exciting, it’s confronting, it’s encouraging, it’s challenging, it’s happy, and it’s up and down. Or at least those have definitely been my experiences with it. The death of individualistic living and the birth of something completely new. My poor utilitarian mancave of a house will never be the same.
PS. That’s actually a really good thing, I can only imagine the thoughts people have kept to themselves over the years when they’ve come over!
I remember some advice that’s been passed on to other people during their engagement and also recently repeated to me – “don’t be afraid to ask for help”. And how awesome it has been to ask for help and to get it. Continue reading
Hakuna Matata and eating bugs accompanied by utter devastation. Here’s why Timon and Pumbaa are the true villains of The Lion King… and of the lives of many of us.
I had the awesome privilege of getting to witness the Aladdin musical featuring The Genie from Broadway last week. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. You get the point. It was stupendous. The sets, the songs, the costumes (!!!) were all top notch. Yes, I did cry… but it was from laughing so hard during the song High Adventure. People missed Abu but his replacements are quite hilarious. And the set they used for The Cave Of Wonders is something I won’t soon forget!
Unfortunately, I have yet to see The Lion King on stage yet, but definitely one for the list. What a timeless story that one is. Full of adventure, family, love, friends, conquering evil…
Oh yeah, and some of the most devastating villains in cinema history. Continue reading
It’s easier to break a connection than it is to build one. Here are 7 ways to destroy your friendships and key relationships.
Photo by Bruce Mars from Pexels
Relationships are the greatest source of joy, or the greatest source of pain. There’s no real middle ground. Whether it be friends, significant others, key business partners, or people we wish we were closer to, our interactions with each other frame the best and worst moments of our lives.
In one of my sets of relationships at the moment, there are several people extremely hurt by someone’s actions and the actions that surround their actions. It’s difficult to deal with and has resulted in years and years of angst and estrangement. The relationships between a number of people are greatly strained and have resulted in a number of flow on impacts to people’s health and wellbeing. It’s even sadder and more difficult that there exists failure to identify that anything being done is actually wrong or harmful to others. Continue reading
It’s not me, it’s everyone else who’s crazy! Or are these the words of ignorance? It’s time to ask – are you the problem in your relationships?
Source: Castle Rock
I wrote towards the start of the year about one of the most frequently used break-up lines in history – it’s not you, it’s me. At the time it seems so easy to use, and yet in the postmortem of our relationships we may find there was more to the death of the relationship than we initially acknowledged or heard about.
I think blame shifting and blame laying are very common practices across all sorts of relationships. I’ve been in a number of meetings where an employee, a contractor or a project gets thrown under the bus for a greater perception that they have been holding things up. I’ve had scores and scores of male and female friends and acquaintances discuss how there’s just no one good enough for them out there, whether as a group of friends or as a love interest (bit painful being told they don’t know anyone who would make a good friend!). We all know those who seem to always have frustrations with the people in their lives. Continue reading
Everyone wants justice, but not everyone wants to be judged… here’s my problem with one of the most frequently used sentences in the entire world: “don’t judge me”.
Judgmental frog is judging you…
Never before in history have the terms Nazi, racist, bigot, or “X”-ophobe (insert your phobia of choice here) been more prevalent in the common lexicon of our society. Well, perhaps maybe during World War 2 where those terms really did apply and some would wear those with a badge of true honour, but I digress. We live in a world that is very much up in arms about standards towards morality, legality and acceptance.
In truth, these issues have always been present throughout history. Recently I went on a big history binge on the history of the Ottomans, the origins of Russia from 2000BC, the history of China, and all the different wars and conflicts that have broken out over the last few thousand years. Ideals and a common set of standards have been heatedly contested to the point of bloodshed for millenia. So I guess the relative (and I use “relative” very loosely) lack of global scale conflict is quite welcome given how many millions of people have lost their lives in the larger scale conquests and conflicts (although many lives are still lost).
As individuals, we strive for harmony and acceptance in our way of life. Rightly so. Who enjoys living their lives in fear or being ruled by some tyrant who suppresses their people?
But on a micro-relational scale, we strive even moreso to have the love and acceptance of people in our circles. Continue reading
Not everyone who comes into your life is going to stay. Like summer dawns and winter fades, we must learn to negotiate the seasons of friends.
What comes to mind when you think of the biggest disappointments in your life? Or the biggest challenges you’re facing right now? Some would say it’s trying to achieve a certain milestone at work. Others might say supporting their partner or loved one through a difficult time. Some might even point to not making in to a certain team or college.
For most people, I don’t think I would be wrong in saying our biggest disappointments are usually tied to people. In particular, to friends.
Is it my fault, was there anything else I could’ve done, or is there something more going on? What do you do when people don’t change?
One day on my Facebook page I started posted some thoughts that had really helped me in my life. Whether it be negotiating work decisions or one of the leadership lessons that stuck with me, I just thought it’d be worthwhile to share a few things that made a marked difference for me. The response was quite overwhelming, and since then, I try to post as often as I can, with many people telling me even to this day they’re still enjoying them (people still read them even if they don’t always react to them).
This week I posted a short thought answering “What do you do when people don’t change?”. It was a topic that resonated with a great many people. So, in response I thought, well, let’s give it a longer look. Continue reading
Hyperbole is the order of the day, “civil discussions” are characterised by yelling and name calling, and people are losing their lives – we need to stop with the outrage and being triggered.
Source: Evelyn Hockstein/The Washington Post via Getty Images
Many people will have seen the recent riots in Charlottesville. Truly a tragedy in the midst of what has already been a tumultuous year on the Earth. Where there is disagreement on views, unfortunately violence soon follows. In this case, the ugly shadow of racism looms large in the wake of these recent events.
I’m not a sociologist. I’m not a full-time student of international human rights. I don’t fully understand the motivations behind many of the marches and protests that take place in our global community. I’m not even an American. But from my vantage point, I can say this:
Our obsession with outrage and being triggered is destroying society. Continue reading