Is it Peter Pan Syndrome, fear of commitment, or something more? Here are 5 observations about the man who won’t commit.
It seems like for quite a while there was a spat of movies about men who wouldn’t commit. Whether it was a movie about a long engagement (or one literally called The Long Engagement), about a single mum being left by some deadbeat dad (like Where The Heart Is), or some brooding superhero who’s too into his crime fighting to be present (looking at you, Batman… and Spiderman… Superman… all the mans I guess).
That seems to have died down in the last 5 years or so, but what hasn’t died down is the level of frustration that comes from mainly women about the men who won’t commit in their lives.
The lack of commitment is called gamophobia (there you go). While there aren’t many thorough studies on percentages of people who fear commitment, you only need to take one internet search (like you probably are right now) or one night out with the girls to realise that it’s a pretty common experience for many women.
Some days I feel like I’m still in primary school, when I see the boys and girls are still so separate. But you can’t be a man who avoids women or a woman who avoids men and expect to have a whole and healthy life.
I gotta say, I find myself thinking on this topic quite a lot recently. Maybe it’s because of a lot of the conversations and experiences people have shared with me recently. Maybe I’ve just been so filled with the frustrations of others that this is me about to pop. In fact I was talking to someone last night about how this one is actually one of my pet annoyances in life.
And it’s been a while since I’ve done more of a rant than a post, but on this one, I really need to go there. Maybe I should explain myself and provide some context first.
It ruins dating prospects, it kills marriages and families, and destroys mental health – most people stop making friends as they get older.
But they really shouldn’t.
Defining the problem
I have been in a lot of conversations with people who are trying to find their life partner, expressing their desire to marry their best friend. However I am always quite fascinated by the answer to the question, “Would you date any of your friends?”. Many people say no.
Is the faith factor playing against your love life? Let’s have a look at whether or not it is harder to date as a Christian.
Dating can be really, really easy for some people. They meet someone, a week later they are already in the “hanging out” phase, and then six months later there’s a ring or two involved. I’ve known quite a few couples in this boat where things have gone exactly like this and they’re still doing really well years later.
These are probably the few people who everyone wants to be like. Unfortunately, these are the minority that the majority wishes they were like. I know I wasn’t in this boat.
For everyone else, dating can be really, really hard.
My main exposure to the current state of the dating market is largely in Christian circles. I am super involved in church life and a large number of my currently single friends are Christians across various churches. And as people head into their late 20s, 30s, even 40s, and still not able to find someone they deem to be suitable (or someone who deems them suitable in return), it can be an extremly frustrating experience.
And you begin to wonder… is it harder to date as a Christian than otherwise? Is my faith causing me additional grief in the area of dating?
Are your words demanding something that your life isn’t? To the man who wants to be the head of the house…
I’m always fascinated by common patterns and trends in human relationships. Maybe underneath my IT, technology focused veneer and career is an anthropologist lying in wait. But I find myself so interested in statements that get repeated in or about relationships, as well as paradigms that drive people together or tear them apart.
One I’ve heard recently in multiple arenas being thrown around is a number of men saying they want to be the head of the house, and a number of women saying they want a man who takes the lead in that regard as well. I’ve seen a big push about it in mainstream media outlets (such as Mama Mia’s married women’s worst marriage advice in 2022 which originally got me thinking on this post), I’ve heard it from single men and women saying that’s the way it should or shouldn’t be when talking about dating, and I’ve heard from a number of married men and women recently saying it’s come up to the benefit or the detriment of the relationship.
Whether trying to build friendships, find a date, or make a difference, we all need to put ourselves out there. Here are 6 ways to be more outgoing, written by an introvert.
Well it’s been a hot minute since my last post indeed. In that time the world has more steadily begun to move towards being a more open place, or at least in my own country of Australia. Two states within the next few weeks are about to open borders and plans like COVID doesn’t exist anymore, with a number of the others well on their way.
One of the areas that seems to have taken the greatest hit during lockdowns and stop/start meetups is dating. I’ve spoken to a *lot* of singles over the past 18+ months who have expressed extreme frustration in this regard, even more than usual. But to be honest, it was well before a global pandemic where people still struggled to put themselves out there to try to make a love connection.
Hollywood romances are super popular, but not always truthful depictions of what really happens in love. Here are 10 realistic movies about love… well, as realistic as Hollywood can be anyway.
Love can be such a complicated and layered topic at times. Even moreso when it’s your own love life you’re looking at. It can be much easier to critique or explore the issues of love when you’re looking at someone else’s life.
And even if it’s not a real life, but a fictional one – watching someone else’s drama can be an escape from your own. Or perhaps more healthily, it can be used as an opportunity to evaluate and explore your own experiences.
Now you might have read this title and gone, “Matt you’ve gone insane, Hollywood romance isn’t realistic at all”. And I would concede your point, slightly. There are a ton of terrible depictions of love out there, my least favourite being the “hey I just met you and this is crazy but here’s my number so marry me in 10 minutes after meeting me” type.
Words can say one thing, but dating habits can say another – are you sure you really want to marry your best friend?
Mature written content warning.
Everyone says being able to marry your best friend is the absolute goal when it comes to dating and marriage. I wholeheartedly agree to be honest. So much so that on our wedding day we made sure that the words of Bishop Jeremy Taylor were shared during our ceremony – that love is friendship set on fire. I’m very fortunate and blessed to say that years later this is still the case in ever increasing measure.
Can’t find a date, a place to belong, or even a friend in and around church life. Here are 5 ways to make meaningful connections and avoid becoming a lonely Christian.
Many Christians live their lives guided by a series of views on what they’re “supposed to” be or not “supposed to” be. In fact, “supposed to” is one of the biggest phrases we throw around in our life of faith. It’s because the Christian life by nature shows us what our ideal and fully fulfilled and redeemed potential could be, as well as things that get in the way.
One of those big “supposed to” phrases is that “I’m not supposed to feel lonely”. You’ve got God, you’ve got a faith community, you’ve got your Bible, you’ve got all these things that you thought were supposed to eradicate loneliness forever. And yet here you might be – a lonely Christian, wondering if things are ever going to be different.
Have you ever wondered, “Maybe it’s something I’m doing?”. Well, maybe it is. Here are 5 reasons you keep losing friends and close relationships… and how to fix that.
“You say you want it, but then you complain when you get it!”. I stared her straight in the eyes as this frustrating conversation was underway. She had been very very adamant that this was what she wanted, but her actions weren’t lining up. It was so confusing to have her telling me and everyone else who would listen that this was what she wanted, but when she was being provided with it, she wasn’t taking it.