February 14th is one of the most introspective and hated days of the year. Here’s why you might still be single for Valentine’s Day.
I can always tell Valentine’s Day is approaching one of three ways. One – all the shops are going nuts with cards, flowers, chocolate, adult toys, and romantic movies. Two – all the restaurants are saying how much more expensive they’re going to be around that day, annoying if you want to make any plans around that day, romantic or otherwise. Three… everyone constantly tagging everyone in memes about how they’re still desperately single for Valentine’s Day.
It’s true, there’s never a worse time in the calendar year to be single. Maybe Christmas. I blame Wham for that one. For whatever reason you find yourself in that situation, Single Awareness Day is here to rub it in for you.
But instead of trying to stave off the Valentine’s angst with weak attempts at humour, why not take the opportunity to have a look at the reasons proper? Here’s 8 reasons why you might be single for Valentine’s Day.
#1: You don’t buy into the hype train
Much like Christmas and even Easter, Valentine’s Day is another time of the year where the big corporates see dollar signs in their eyes. What better opportunity to tell someone they don’t love someone unless they spend the extra money you’re about to scab off of them?
Maybe you’re one of the few that Valentine’s Day actually isn’t a big deal for. It’s highly unlikely you’re in that category since you decided to read this article, but hey, maybe you just don’t give a rip about it. That’s okay.
#2: No one has given you a chance
Bleeding hearts of the world, unite. Valentine’s Day is the time you’re reminded of how many times you’ve made an attempt to woo someone or even get to know someone better, but alas, the attempts have been unsuccessful. Or maybe you’ve been sitting around waiting, hoping for someone to take a chance on you, and it seems like no one ever comes.
It can be a bit like salt on a wound, can’t it? I’m not belittling this at all – it’s one of the big reasons so many people don’t like the Big V. I know many people who have done all the “right things”, same as anyone else, but received closed doors instead of happiness. It happens.
#3: You haven’t given anyone else a chance
It’s always interesting to me to read all the names of people who start posting about how awful it is that nobody wants them for Valentine’s Day. They’re so single that life isn’t even worth living anymore. Nobody wants me everybody hates me gonna tag all my friends.
I just think wait a minute… I know you were approached at least 4 or 5 times in the last few months. And not little offers… serious ones. That, or you’re forgetting the fact you’re posting that in front of about 500 single people of the opposite gender, all of which would like to date you. Then there’s the brave dude (always one of them) who will post some smart but charming comment on your post in an attempt to remind you that he still exists. You’re not dating that guy. You could be. Or that girl. You get it.
Should you give absolutely everyone who asks a chance? I don’t think so. But should you give absolutely no one a chance? Well, tell me how that’s working out.
Don’t forget the person you’re looking for is human. Probably only a 6 or a 7 on the attractive scale. But if you gave them a chance maybe you’d find out they’re actually a perfect 10. Who knows?
#4: You don’t need a man/need a woman
I’ve written about this one extensively. I don’t always buy it. I think it’s a coping mechanism more often than not. More on my thoughts on this one at What “I Don’t Need A Man / I Don’t Need A Woman” Really Means.
#5: No one knows who you are
If you’re in bed by 8pm every night…
…you keep to yourself at work…
…you only hang out with the same group of friends every weekend…
…and none of those friends are people you would date…
….you’re probably not on the radar. Being at the right place at the right time starts with being at the right place.
Get in people’s way. Have conversations. Talk. Eye contact. Don’t cut people off. Don’t just talk about yourself. Ask questions. Boredom is a sign that you are actually the uninteresting one. Shoulders straight, use your voice, you be you. But don’t be you hidden in the dark corners of your bedroom every night where no one knows your name.
#6: You’re not single in your heart
I know a lot of guys in this category especially, but a lot of ladies too. You’re just single by status, single by appearance, but in your efforts and intentions, you’re focused and active. Or you’re at least wondering about someone.
I was recently at an event where there were a lot of singles present, but a lot of the men who said “single”, weren’t actually really single. They didn’t have a date and they weren’t going back home to anybody, but there was someone who had the attention of these gents. The sign out front of the house may read “For Sale”, but the house is actually Under Offer at the moment.
Perhaps people just think you’re single for Valentine’s Day, but they don’t know what you’re up to. Or perhaps you don’t even know what you’re up to. Wondering, waiting, wishing… time to say something, huh?
#7: You’re scaring everyone off
You aren’t ready to read this one. But a bit of real talk for a moment.
Maybe you are terrifying to the opposite sex.
Your fake smile when someone comes up to you already is telling them “No Chance, Lance”. Everyone in your life is a brother or sister, and you’re constantly posting photos with the opposite sex of how much they mean to you. Pretty much anyone else who enters your life can safely assume they won’t ever be seen with any romantic interest, either.
Speaking of posting, if you’re always posting things telling men or women how much they suck, how awful you are because no one wants to date you, how sad you are all the time that no one ever likes you, then I’m sorry… you’re just being unattractive. You hate it when other people do that, right? I know as a straight guy, when I see women posting about how much they want a boyfriend (especially if she’s a girl I’ve gone for before, or one or some of my friends have)…. it makes me throw up a bit. It actually does.
Are you aware of how you come across? Not to be judgmental or hopeless here, just a chance to be introspective. Hey, it makes no difference to my life what you do or decide to do based on that, just trying to point it out. Take it or leave it.
#8: You still have a broken heart
Heartbreak is the great destroyer of relationships. Sadly, people will choose their pain over potential. The man or the woman of yesterday will take the place of the man or the woman of today. Once again, no judgement, but just highlighting that this is something that happens. And a lot.
Your pain can’t love you back.
I think one of the saddest cases I knew of this was a guy I knew made a very serious offer to a girl I knew, but she just felt like she was too broken, not good enough, “damaged goods”… you know the drill. He didn’t think that was the case. He saw all of it, he knew it’d be a journey, but he was willing to walk it, and walk it for life if it worked out. But because of how she felt about herself, she said no.
Even though she loved him.
And something that could’ve been great never was. And he moved on a few months later, very very happy now. But her? No idea. Probably not.
I’ve known so many people who’ve heard of their ex getting married, or even sometimes someone who just asked them out once but they turned down, and their heart was so affected to hear that the person had moved on. It’s clear that they hadn’t, whether they were the ones to break off the relationship or not. More thoughts on where to go from there in How Do You Move On?
And maybe you’re waiting for perfection from yourself. Maybe you are waiting til you’re in a perfect place, everything is happy in life, it all makes sense, before you open yourself up again. That can be wise.
But I always think of the Hebrew proverb – if you wait for perfect conditions, you’ll never get anything done. And very, very rarely is there ever a point in your life where you are ever fully over something. What usually happens is you end up watching life pass you by. Waiting for that perfect opportune moment that never came. Unfortunately I know way too many, male and female, who are now a bit more “over the hill”, and starting to face the possibility that they have missed out because they lived their life by fear instead of by faith.
Or maybe that’s just the lot you wish to choose in life. It really is up to you.
So, single for Valentine’s Day? Maybe you don’t have to be, if it’s for the wrong reasons. Take the opportunity to work it out, you still have time. Heck, you still have time after Valentine’s Day, it doesn’t have to be February the 14th ( you could be reading this at any time of the year). But make sure you make your decisions for the right reasons.
How about you? Relate to any of these? What are some other reasons people are single for Valentine’s Day?