When it comes to attractive qualities in women, every list can be different. Here are 7 underrated qualities that a lot of men really value.
Attraction can be a seemingly complex topic. Just what is it exactly what makes someone attractive? Why do certain people find certain things attractive, while other people don’t? How important is attraction in the realm of relationships – do you get to know someone til they become attractive, or do you need something there first? What happens when you are no longer drawn to someone? The laws of attraction can be quite complex with a lot of layers.
When it comes to defining a woman as attractive, the first topic that comes up is usually their physical appearance. A lot of women certainly feel that pressure. I think of whenever I hear people talk about Hugh Jackman and his wife, and the conversation usually goes down the path, “how can someone so attractive be with someone so physically average?”. I personally don’t hold that same view or perspective, but I bring it up just as an example of where the topic of attraction is usually going.
But there are far more qualities in a person that can make them attractive.
One of my favourite things to sit and listen to is the sound of my married or dating male friends, or even single friends about someone they admire, speaking about all the things they find attractive about a woman they care about. It’s often shocking for women who may hear the comments being made, and they are so taken back to think “wow, I didn’t actually know that guys valued those things”.
This is a list of those attractive qualities that go way too underrated, but many guys I know find very attractive. I personally know a lot of women who fit the bill on all of these categories, and this isn’t so much a list of what to aspire to as it is a celebration of what a lot of guys actually value.
A listening ear
I wrote a post a while ago about some of my observations of being a third wheel for a number of my friends. One of the things I would’ve liked to talk more about, and I will do so here, is watching the transition occur in my male friends’ lives as their relationship develops. Where once when they had problems it was either a struggle to face different issues in their lives and a big effort to reach out and be open and honest with us guys, it is always a beautiful thing to start hearing “well, I talked to my wife about it, and she was able to give me some great perspective and hear me out”.
And to many guys, that is so endlessly valuable and attractive. Just that ability to listen. You don’t have to fully understand everything about everything being said, like the specifics of his job or all the names of his cousins, but just having that willingness to be there and ask questions and to find things out is a very powerful thing for a man. I’d imagine that’s a powerful thing for a woman to have in her life too, but I write this as a man on behalf of numerous men I know who value that so deeply to say that that is such an important quality.
On a related note, there is something beautiful about a woman who exudes grace. You know what I’m talking about. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done – she’s going to accept you as you are.
This is another big one that guys may not always put into those words with the ladies in their lives (although many often do), but they certainly tell the men in their lives about it. I love seeing some of my friends telling me about how they had to be open about an area of weakness or a deep hurt in their lives with the woman in their world, and where they were expecting to see blind anger or a closed door, they were instead accepted with great grace and a welcoming embrace. That’s a powerful thing for a man to have a place to have his heart call home. Definitely underrated and definitely so valued.
Compassion is grace with its eyes open. It isn’t just grace ready to catch people when they fall, but also proactive in seeking out a target.
A woman who has eyes to see and meet the need in her world is amazing to watch and to partner with. I am envious sometimes of how feeling and sympathetic the women in my world are to the needs of people. Sometimes I wish my heart was more moved to feel exactly what others are feeling, and it’s something a lot of women do so well. It encourages us to keep our eyes and hearts open too.
Now here’s an old school word you don’t hear every day. But the Hebrew Proverbs describe a woman of noble character as being prudent. What exactly does that mean? I think the best way to re-translate this word is a diligent intelligence. Now it doesn’t mean you necessarily need a GPA of 7 or a PhD or that sort of scientific intelligence, but it is more just keeping the mind sharp to think things through and know what to say at the right time. It’s that sort of diligent intelligence which recognizes that your gifts and abilities aren’t just for you, but you are going to focus them for the enrichment of those around you.
A lot of women feel like guys only go for women who portray a “bimbo” personality type or an airhead mentality. A lot of guys have even joked before that they don’t like women thinking. I would like to say that there are a lot of us who value it and need it in our lives. A woman who is switched on to her reality is certainly attractive and powerful.
There is real power in consistency. It shows not just that you believe something, but that you have convictions about it. Not just that you have convictions about it, but that it is who you are. When you commit, you are committed. When you speak, you do so out of a view that is dedicated to the benefit of the people you speak to.
The faithfulness of women has set a lot of men free from past hurts. I have seen many hardened men who have had dark and damaged areas of their heart completely set free by a girlfriend who cooked a meal for them out of the kindness of her heart, or a wife who continually showed her dedication to him by turning up for the hard conversations and being present. Even just these actions from a female friend can have a powerful impact.
I would also say commitment to a cause is something really amazing to see too. Not just faithfulness to a person, but faithfulness to your faith, faithfulness to God, faithfulness in love, faithfulness in prayer and dedication. So much of the world is so double-minded and all about pursuing every option and avenue, and we are looking for people who can show us exactly what it is to be committed and faithful to the most important things in life.
It may not always be celebrated like it should, but it rarely goes unnoticed.
Confidence in who you are
No one likes to be around someone with a big ego, but I think there is a lot to be said of a woman who is comfortable in who she is. I’ve seen men struggle to pay a compliment or do something nice for their wife or partner because she can’t see past how much she doesn’t like herself. He tries to assure her she’s beautiful, but she is so set against receiving it, that his word and heart fall lifeless to the ground after trying his best to convince her otherwise.
A woman who is sure of who she isn’t at the mercy of the opinions of people who don’t matter, or of those who say something contrary to who she is. That’s really striking to see. It’s powerful because the confidence doesn’t just help her, but it helps others around her to be free to do the same.
A level head
Moreover from the previous point, a level head is something so attractive to guys. It means he can be honest about what’s going on without fear of you exploding or having to “walk on eggshells”. Not to say all of us don’t have licence to have our days, but many men really value when they are able to have a conversation with a woman and know that she is likely going to keep a level head and continue to speak with clarity. I guess it really does just come down to knowing who you are and fully embracing that person.
I’ve seen a level head be a great healing balm to a few of my friends when they have faced disappointments in career or service, or even in the home. Knowing he’s able to present his case and work from a place of strength in the partnership is honestly a beautiful thing, and way too underrated.
So to the women out there who are reading this and who have some sort of awareness that they do indeed demonstrate these qualities, but sometimes feel like they get overlooked, I would like to say this – we notice. We recognize them. We salute them. We celebrate you. My encouragement to you would be to keep being who you are, keep discovering what the rest of your life is to look like, and continue to grow more and more into who you’re called to be.
And to the guys reading this, let’s always be the first to celebrate these qualities when we see them. We talk to each other so much about how much these are important to us, let’s also make sure she gets to hear you say that too.
I usually write a partner article whenever I do a gender-specific article writing about the other perspective, but on this topic I’m not really suitably qualified to make any statements as to what is particularly attractive and underrated in men, so perhaps some of the ladies out there would like to comment with some of those. Otherwise, what are your thoughts on these underrated qualities? What are some of the other underrated ones I left out?