The Guaranteed Method to Know Exactly What Women Think

Most men are told to give up trying, others are told to red pill put her in her place, but I’m here to give you a guaranteed method to find out exactly what women think.

Ps. This also works for women trying to work out what men think.

If you go to any joke or gift store, there’s always a gift that they have there – the 100 or 300 page book containing all that men know about how women think. It’s always like $3 or $4 and you think, wow bargain some good information at a cheap price. Of course once you open the book, all the pages are blank.

Now it’s good for a laugh, jesting about how complicated the male experience often is trying to decipher the feminine mind. But it’s less funny when people live out the joke on a daily basis and remain in a state of not understanding how women work. Being married to that guy is a total nightmare.

Can women be difficult for men to understand? Survey says, yes. Author Corey Wayne for instance wrote a book entitled How to be a 3% Man, claiming that it’s about 90% of men who don’t understand anything about women. Now I’m not sure if it’s really that high a percentage, but I know a lot of men who’ve had that experience in their ventures with women, and I sure know a lot of women who feel that way about their experience with men.

So, what’s a man to do? A lot of men flounder, and make a lot of guesses. We try to work it out, and then a lot of men just simply give up. They just sit there passive, stonefaced, yes-no yes-ma’am whatever you say simpleton mode. And isn’t this a core female frustration that the man or men in your life seem passive like this? Psychologists have seen so in several family dynamics. Afraid to be criticized for getting it wrong again, he sits there like an idiot making you want to criticize him even more.

And then we have the red pill alpha male dude bros like Andrew Tate claiming to have worked it out, recognising this hatred for passivitiy. And guess what, they take the other extreme, and the summary of their viewpoint is this – women like controlling men. As in, men who are controlling. Their erotic fantasies are being put in their place, and in life in general they like being told. Tell her what to do, how you’re going to be, and that she can get over it if she doesn’t like it.

But is that the truth? Is that really how women work?

Women hate men like Andrew Tate. Why? Because this advice, even it is true for some women, produces a domineering and destructive individual. Red pill men may make great lovers for a night or two but they don’t make good husbands. They’ve missed something quintessentially important about the dynamic.

No one wants to be married to the rapist, of their body, of their heart, or of their mind.

And if it isn’t a red pill alpha who a dude is going to learn from, how many men do you know who just sit around complaining about women? I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve hung out with men in a corporate setting or social setting and the topic inevitably turns to how they think women really are. If you’re impressionable and don’t really have any other answers in life, you’ll inevitably listen to the advice other men are giving you. Women are coasters, women have to have it their way, women are cruel or vindictive or thieves, women just want men to do all the work, women just complain all the time, women are too emotional, women are blah blah blah.

And so your source of all your information about women is other men. And usually, men who don’t have a proven track record of stable, healthy relationships. Body count is one thing – having a woman want to be in your life is another. And I wonder how many men can say or believe that?

If the only voices in your life are men who hate women or are disenfranchised, you’re not going to get the information you need to have a successful relationship with the opposite sex.

Now I’m going to blow the lid on one of the greatest secrets in humanity. I’m about to reveal to you, dear reader, two words that will give you all the answers. No more guessing, no more listening to the dude bros, no more nights awake wondering what you did wrong. I’mma tell you right now exactly how you can work out exactly what women think.

Here it is:

Ask her.

No, I think you missed it.

Ask her.

Nah nah yeah but nah yeah, how do you do it?

ASK. HER!

So many guys have fatalistic approaches in how they go about attempting to understand women. They’re victims of the women in their lives. They’re unable to work it out no matter what they think they do. They’ve tried what all their male friends have told them to do and none of it is working. No matter what they say or do, they just can’t understand her response or why everything they’re doing isn’t working.

It’s because you haven’t asked her.

It’s a real tragedy that men, and women for that matter, will so often go to everyone else first before they go to the person invovled. “I don’t understand why my wife does this”, “I can’t stand that my husband just sits there and stares and says nothing”.

Yeah okay, but have you tried asking them about it?

Or at least, have you tried asking a woman about it?

Imagine having a problem with your car, and asking your friends who have the same unsolved car problem about it. Wouldn’t you rather ask someone who has fixed the problem, or someone who is a mechanic?

So why do we get so much opinion or advice about women without actually going to women about it?

Now that isn’t to say that you can’t get good advice about women from men, or good advice about men from women. There are a lot of doctors, psychologists, anthropologists, counsellors and relationship experts out there who are well versed and well proven in successful advice to help with understanding what she might be thinking or what he’s doing.

What I am saying is that if you go straight to the source first, you’re in the best possible shape. There is a lot of generalised advice about how men and women work, and a lot of it holds true as being useful in approaching the other person. However, as you’ve found out, each individual is different, and you don’t want to blindly take generalised advice or conjecture without first considering how it applies to the person involved.

I remember when my wife and I went on our first few “serious” dates beyond the courtship phase. I was like alright here we go, super nice restaurant, super nice location, expensive flowers, dressed up, lots of pomp and circumstance, this is a big deal. Because women like to be celebrated and feel special, right?

Well, they do, but my wife doesn’t like too much fuss, so she felt uncomfortable on that first big expensive night out when I thought I was doing the right thing. She enjoyed way more the lower key dates, the cheaper flowers and the reduced fanfare. If I had insisted on taking the general advice and dismissing her specific preferences, we wouldn’t have gotten married, cause I would have been trying to force something general that didn’t fit specifically.

And okay fellas, I’m not saying “what’s your favourite position” and “what colour panties are you wearing today?” makes for a great approach because you want to know and you’re supposed to ask. Some men will take that sort of approach and wonder why they just end up getting kicked out by the bouncer. Well, unless you’re in a longer term relationship where that may be considered applicable or respectable by the other person.

But you need to have a curious mindset about the other person, with love and respect for who they are in the same way that you would like to be treated.

The apostle Peter actually wrote to men and told them, “dwell with her according to knowledge”. A lot of Christians and even just men in general wish there was some kind of supernatural knowledge that could be downloaded into their brain so they instantly know what’s going on.

But this isn’t the type of knowledge being used here. In the Greek, the word being used here is gnosis. This is knowledge by experience, learned knowledge, science.

In other words, go find out, sir. The expectation is on you not to have someone else magically fix your brain, but for you to apply your smart self to the task and find it out. As Pastor John Burns regularly says, forever be a student of the one you love. If this isn’t a romantic relationship, you should still be studious and curious.

How many women, including probably the one that’s on your mind right now, have communicated their frustrations about men to the general consensus, only for us to miss it? What do women complain about the most? Say it with me, ladies – why won’t he listen? How many times do I have to tell him?

And then, classic male response, “what did you say?”.

And then, slammed door in your face, right?

This no doubt seems to be the largest frustration women face in marriage relationships. She’s trying to get through your head, and you’re not hearing it.

And hey, we’re different. Men and women are different. More than this, you and me are different. We aren’t the same person. Look at siblings, even identical twins – two people can have near identical upbringings, experiences, input, education, whatever, and end up completely different.

The Song of Songs is held up as an ideal standard of marital bliss and intergender dynamics. What is it? It’s a conversation. A sexually charged, poetic, romantic, albeit very strange, conversation, but conversation nonetheless. The whole time, as Bishop TD Jakes points out, he talks to her, but the problem of the modern man is that he doesn’t want to talk to her. Every sitcom and relatable show to men makes a joke about the need for us to have a “conversation” where you do the quotation marks with your fingers because you know what a conversation means.

So this is where you have your chance, sir. Talk to her. Ask her the questions. Listen. Don’t jump in. Don’t fix, don’t autocorrect, don’t defend, don’t block. You’ll get your turn to explain things or whatever you feel you need to do. Ask the question, and let her fully answer it first. Be a student.

To be honest, you’ll probably have much greater success if you’ve given her a proper opportunity to share, to get it out, to verbalise, to see that you’ve given an opportunity to receive it, and to see that you’ve made time and effort to do so.

And if you’re not in a longterm relationship and looking to get in one, learn from women. Ideally, you want to learn from a happily married woman, or multiple women. If you get all your advice from angry people who only have destroyed relationships where it’s kind of clear they have a dangerous pattern about them, take what they say with appropriate grains of salt, lest you end up exactly like the ones you listen to.

Even worse, if you only learn about women from movies and TV shows. I mean, there are heaps of great ones out there for sure, but if you keep trying to learn from Friends or Seinfeld or Big Bang Theory or Sex And The City or any show designed for entertainment over information, you’ll probably have the same level of relational success as those characters.

As a church leader around age groups where people are usually trying to get together or have a lot of pain in their relationships with the opposite sex, one of the most healing conversations I’ve ever seen and continue to try to foster is asking the women a question and letting the men listen to their answer, and vice versa.

How do you like being spoken to? What are you really looking for in a man? What’s the worst thing a woman could do to you? Who’s a man or a woman you really admire, and why? If you were in a situation where a guy did X Y or Z, how would you respond? These are some questions you could try to get started if you’ve never opened up the door before.

Ask, listen, learn, and heal.

Let’s normalise trying to understand each other, and being understood ourselves.

Now all of a sudden when we go to date or go to get married or go to work on our sex life or go to have healthy friendships or understand a key relationship or whatever else it is, I have safety and a healthy platform of knowledge that I’ve gained by asking the ones involved.

And ladies, ask him. Seriously. There can be this perception that the man or the men in your life are neurotic cavemen who think about nothing all day. This is simply not the case. What is the case is that it can be harder for a lot of men to understand their own emotions and what led them there, often they aren’t as in tune as you are. That said, they can also be more level headed on certain topics (not always).

“Oh men are always horny they are only ever after one thing”. Yeah okay, but have you stopped and asked why? What’s underneath that? To you your husband is annoying, but to him it means more than he may even fully understand himself. More in What Men Really Want

“Well I’ve told him once, I don’t want to have to tell him again”. You probably need to. Repetition or rephrasing can really help get your point across. The words you spoke may have different meaning to him. Plus, men aren’t women. He isn’t your girlfriend. He isn’t your high school BFF most likely. He’s going to need help to get into your head and understand it the way you do.

Work through it, stick at it. We can have ridiculously unrealistic expectations of the other that they’re supposed to just get it because that hotty in our favourite book or TV show looked at us knowingly and understood with only a few words.

It’s not real. There are moments of it that can be. But if you want a lifelong relationship, you need to be willing to work together to ensure understanding has been reached. Otherwise you’re going to be a screeching nag every time he doesn’t get it and make yourself more and more unhappy and distant, when all you may have had to do is reword your sentence.

And just for the record, men are more than is often said about them. For every Andrew Tate Jr wannabe out there, there are some great men of power and influence and love who have made our world a better place, and may we raise more men to be like that, and endeavour to be them ourselves.

Domineering control and degradation of the other has no place in a healthy relationship. Now you might find that a bit of a kink in the bedroom, if it works for you I suppose. But in the active conversational dynamic of your relationship, there needs to be a humble receiving position, a commitment to learning the other, and to learning from the right people.

How many women need to scream about Andrew Tate and his contemporaries before men listen and realise, ohhhh maybe that’s not right. She’s telling you exactly what women think, bro, and you’re telling her she needs to get back into the cave ooh ooh ahh ahh and wondering why you’re about to end up living in that cave alone again.

When you’re like those men, you are the destroyer.

Now I should also mention, we need to talk to each other without emotional games. TD Jakes in Junk In The Trunk talks about how couples in his counselling office are always playing games with each other – the only problem being that marriage is not for kids, and if you keep playing games, eventually you lose.

If you’re playing hard to get, don’t complain that men or women find you too hard to get.

If you’re saying everything except what you want him to work out, don’t get mad at him because he doesn’t know. Men aren’t mind readers, nor are women. You need to say it. “Why should I have to?”. Because you want to be understood.

“But if I tell them how I feel, then he’ll know” – isn’t that the freaking point? Isn’t that what you want?

If he’s asking you, and you’re not telling him for whatever reason, you’re going to ruin your chance, and his.

Clear, respectful, non-condescending tones. All of a sudden, wow I’m heard. Wow I’m listened to.

And beyond all that – wow, I am understood.

Isn’t that the core desire of the human heart? To be understood? That’s her desire too, bro. That’s his desire too, ma’am.

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The summary is – ask her. No games. No sarcasm. No dismissal. Ears and heart open. Safety. Security.

All of a sudden, you find yourself more happy and healthy than you thought possible, and bringing back healthy normal to our world.

Society only thrives when men and women work together. Imagine trying to fly a plane with only one wing. We need each other.

And beyond romance, although it’s so important, I need the women in my life. They need the men in their life. We can offer each other such wealth of wisdom and joy and wholeness when we all get to contribute and be heard. I’m better not just because of who I am married to but also because of the great women in my life.

So the next time the lads are at the pub or the golf course or the office complaining about how they keep breaking date after date, staying unhappy in their marriage, unsure about what they’re doing wrong, you can tell them the secret.

After all, the straightest path you have to working out exactly what women think is to let her tell you.